Words hurt even the most confident of people. No matter how strong you are, no matter how numb you become to their hateful words, eventually the pain catches up and pushes you over. I would know. All my life I’ve been the silent type. Silence is my refuge, my safe place. In silence, no one can get into your thoughts, they can’t mess with your heart. Maybe if you’re lucky, if you’re silent, they’ll be silent back.
But lately, my perspective changed. Somehow, in some way I don’t even know, I ended up changing. I walked out the door on August 18th with a new boldness, a new confidence—one that I didn’t really have but convinced myself that I did. I’ve always been one of those ‘weird girls’ at school, and all my life I’ve just taught myself to sit back and take it, and if they don’t see that it phases you, maybe they’ll go away, but those voices, those words always taunt you. When someone tells you you’re ugly so many times, when someone tells you you’re a freak so many times, one day you just look in the mirror and see it, too.
Well, I’ve created a numbness to it. I’d found in myself a bit of strength that I’d never had before, where things just don’t get to my like the would have before. Maybe that numbness can be good, but now I think to myself, this numbness, maybe it can’t be good. Because if you’re so numb, you can’t feel any pain. And if you can’t feel some sort of pain, no matter how much, how can you heal?
tumblrbot said: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
I believe my earliest memory would be…I was maybe two or three years old and my mom had us going to a new church for the first time. She left me in this children’s classroom and I hid behind the coat hangers and cried until the teacher found me and took me to my mom. haha